Results From The Inside Out

Laughter: The Best Medicine

2011-05-18T08:06:00.000-06:00

"Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no mater how painful your situation might be, you can survive it." Bill Cosby

A wonderful sense of humor permeates my entire family. The Papili's have been able to laugh at themselves throughout life, for the most part, and not take themselves too seriously.

We are also a family of Italians, a culture and a people not known for their great stature. I stand at 5'1" and my brother John, the tallest in my family was 5'7". My younger sister, Roseanne, stands about 5'4", the tallest of the three daughters and the second tallest in the family.

May 30 is approaching. It is the date my brother was murdered. Since this life-altering event happened back in 1984, that date no longer has the power over me it once held.

During that very difficult time after my brother's tragic death, Roseanne and I found humor. We were going over the plethora of details surrounding the event when in the middle of a sentence, she stopped abruptly. There was a long silence.

"My God, I hope we aren't going according to height!" she blurted. We both broke into simultaneous belly laughs.

That glorious laughter broke so much of the tension and grief. Twenty-seven years later, I find it difficult to recall many of those sad details. Yet I remember vividly the humor and mutual comfort we felt surrounding her statement.

We survived that tragedy. We endured. We thrived. Yes, it was through faith, love, comfort and support. But also it was through humor. In this case, it was the best medicine or therapy we could give ourselves.

How Can You Quote 'So and So?'"

2011-04-25T08:58:00.000-06:00

I recently started putting daily quotes on my Results From The Inside Out Facebook page. Apparently, someone was offended, not by the quote that I posted, but by its author.

When I was asked how I could quote that person, I stated simply, "When the message is more important than the messenger, I heed it."

There are hundreds of differences that separate people: religion, politics, race, gender, sexual orientation, nationality, left-handedness vs. right-handedness, economics, class distinctions, fame, fortune, various assorted and sundry "isms," height, weight, cultural norms, language, family backgrounds and countless others major and trite.

I function in various walks of life. If I focused on people's differences, I'd never have any friends! My friends come from all religions, political philosophies (often extremely different from my own), cultures and backgrounds. Some have sordid histories which they have managed to overcome while others have privileged backgrounds and all the advantages. The reason we're able to be friends is that we find our common ground. Years ago, I learned in a college communication class that in in order to have communication, it is important to focus on the common ground.

I can quote people with whom I vehemently disagree because at least some part of their message resonates truth within me. That is the part to which I relate and heed.

It is not my intention to offend anyone with my quotes or authors. But be careful what you say, as my next quote may be from you!

Acceptance Is The Solution To All My Problems

2011-04-21T06:09:00.000-06:00

When I was in my early 20's my wise mother gave me one of those little booklets with hand-drawn graphics and clever sayings on each page. It was entitled "Acceptance Therapy." Not fully realizing its value, I thought it was nice.

Nearly two score years later, I understand.

Acceptance does not mean I have to accept bad behavior, circumstances or conditions. It means that things are the way they are. I cannot change a person's bad behavior, or a situation's negative circumstances and conditions. However, I can change my responses and my attitude. I also can set clear boundaries. Most importantly, I can respectfully state my truth and stand firm while still allowing my own and others personal dignity.

I recently saw this concept beautifully executed in a 1986 TV movie, entitled "The Revolt of Mother," based on the Mary E. Wilkins Freeman short story of the same title. The main character, Sarah Penn, was a late 19th century New England farm woman in her mid 30's. It was a time when women were considered their husband's property. She was a dutiful, faithful wife and lived according to her beloved Scriptures. However, she and her husband were at odds about whether to build a new barn or a new home. She accepted her lot in life, but when it came to this one thing, she stood firm. Without berating her husband or complaining, she set a boundary and kept to it. She even was disobedient to him, but did it without rancor. There is much to learn from this story. Sarah had complete acceptance, yet was able to move mountains.

Acceptance has changed me in ways I never thought possible. When I fully engage in acceptance, it changes those around me without my having to launch a full-blown campaign. When I abandon it, stress enters my world from the tiniest cracks and crevices.

Acceptance is the solution to all my problems. It may only be the beginning to the solutions the Universe has in store for me, but without walking through the portals of acceptance, I miss the gifts and beauty that await.

I Will Allow Myself Hope

2011-04-05T09:07:00.000-06:00

Note: For several months, I have been part of a creative cluster using Julia Cameron's book, "The Artist's Way," written to help blocked artists become unblocked. The following is taken directly from my Morning Pages.

I will allow myself hope.

That is a pretty big concept. I’ve been afraid to hope, to want, to dream. I was numb in the way Susan Lucci described her numbness after being nominated so many times and not winning the Emmy until the 19^th time.

I’m stuck. I know it. I think right now just knowing it is enough.

I will allow myself hope.

It’s actually a scary comment, but true.

I will allow myself hope.

I haven’t been doing any artist dates. I haven’t worked my Artist Way program the way I think I should. I can’t seem to bring myself to do some of the assignments lately. Sometimes I get angry, sometimes rebellious. Mostly I’m afraid. Afraid of failing; afraid of being disappointed one more time; afraid of being hurt. Maybe I’m afraid of succeeding. I don’t know that for certain but it might be in there somewhere.

I will allow myself hope.

I don’t want to be stuck in my stuckness. Sometimes when a car gets stuck, greater efforts to get unstuck only result in digging deeper in being stuck.

Maybe I just need to accept that I’m stuck, feel those feelings, understand what that means and love myself anyway. Maybe I just need to give myself permission to be stuck. Maybe I need to relax and quit spinning my wheels so much. Maybe I need to accept myself, imperfect, untapped potential, the bud that never quite opened, then withered on the vine. I want to blossom, grow and open to my full potential. Maybe I’m afraid because a rose in its full glory lasts but a short time. I don’t know.

But I will allow myself hope.

That may be all I can do today. Therefore, I give myself permission for that and that alone.

I’m OK. God is with me. Together we’ll walk this path. I’m not taking baby steps; I’m taking micro steps. That’s OK.

Today, I allow myself hope.

I Want A New Road Bike!

2011-04-01T08:14:00.000-06:00

I want a new road bike this year. No fooling.

I'm very grateful for my current, trusty model. We've ridden thousands of miles. We've been to numerous U.S. states and shared many happy, challenging, wet and beautiful rides. She's even accompanied me to Wales for an unforgettable experience. I always will have her as I can't imagine selling her.

However, she's turning 12 this year, pretty old in today's latest and greatest technology. I want something lighter weight, better fit to my body and, oh heck, I admit it, NEWER!

There's a tricky thing about desire, though. It has so many impacts. (I'm not even thinking about my husband's pending reactions from apoplexy to heart failure about spending money on something so frivolous in a financially challenging year!)

Desire takes the right balance of reaching and letting go.

Here is my reaching part: I've stated it to myself, my friends, the Universe and now to the world. I will continue to honor my financial responsibilities, save the money and see what happens. No doubt I will browse a few bicycle shops.

The letting go part comes next. Whenever I think of wanting a new bike I will say my simple bless it or block it prayer. "If it's Your will, bless it. If not, block it."

I have all my bases covered now.

If it's mine, it will come to me!

Time Out!

2011-03-11T11:46:00.000-07:00

I've been burning the candle at both ends these past couple of weeks. So today, with the exception of one short phone meeting with a client, I cleared my schedule.

I have two conflicting events tomorrow. It's quite possible I will attend neither. We'll see.

Since both my husband and I are self-employed and both our offices are in our home, I suggested to him that he not make too many "recommendations" for how I can help him today. I believe I said "Sweetie, if you push me today, I think I might push back real hard."

That's it. I'm done. I don't plan to go anywhere on this date, Friday, March 11, 2011. I have much work to do, but it may be punctuated with naps, Hearts games on the computer, Facebook surfing and a little reading, perhaps a video or some knitting. Maybe I'll take the dog for a walk later. Maybe.

Maybe I'll do nothing.

I have a great routine most days and I follow it well. Routine be damned today!

Yes, I'm getting work done. Yes, I'm a devout Weight Watchers member and leader so I'm tracking all that I eat. Yes, I'm still part of humanity and will keep the people of Japan and the threatened areas in the Pacific in my thoughts and prayers. But it's time for a time out! I'm taking it! I deserve it! I need it!

If I try to accomplish one more "To Do" on my list, I will hyperventilate.

After this hiatus, which may extend into the weekend, I'll emerge as usual, full of energy, laughs and the verve I am wont to possess. But today, it's breather time. Today I will do what I want when I want to do it. Thank you, dear Goddess. I needed that!

The Blame Game

2011-03-09T07:44:00.000-07:00

"My business failed because the economy tanked."

"I could be successful if I had more support at home."

"I'd be happy if only he (or she) would..."

"How can I soar like an eagle I work with a bunch of turkeys?"

"This cloudy weather makes me so grouchy!"

It's human nature for us to affix blame.

Why? Because the above examples are steeped in fact. Our current economy is rough, support at home is valuable, others can make life difficult and many of us are co-dependent on the weather. But when does a statement transfer from one of condition to one of blame? When it becomes stagnant. When we get stuck.

For example, the economy has been down for a couple of years now. If a business owner were to adapt, he or she might change the business, cause it to branch into other areas or become innovative in its approach. Many businesses have failed, yet many are flourishing.

Thus, my first observation about blame: it's not living in the present; it's stuck in the past.

Support from our family and friends is important. So many successful persons had support and encouragement from a very early age. It can make or break self-esteem, confidence and tenacity when rejection is high and failure looms. Yet millions of successful people come from dysfunctional families, many of whom blamed, criticized or sabotaged. What is the difference? Some people become victims of their circumstances and stay stuck while others rise above them.

My second observation about blame: it sets us up for victimhood.

Many of these victims have great amounts of fear - fear of failure, fear of success, fear of letting themselves go. Since they've lived in their fear for so long, it becomes their security blanket. They cuddle and hide under its warmth. They emerge only long enough to lament. They excuse themselves from life and are stuck in their paralyzing fear.

Herein lies my third observation about blame: it's an excuse.

There comes a time to stop showing up for the part. There comes a time to seek help, whether it be spiritual, psychological, physical or a combination of all three (the most desirable option). There comes a time to stop being stuck in that roll.

In getting help, we experience resolution, acceptance and forgiveness. Acceptance doesn't mean accepting bad behavior. It means accepting that's how is was. However, this is not how it has to be. Letting go is healthy. Finding some form of forgiveness is essential, lest we spoil in our own bitter juices of hatred.

Thus my forth observation about blame: it's a lack of forgiveness.

When we stop blaming other persons, places and conditions for our circumstances, we are forced to live in the present, confront our fears, stop making excuses and forgive those who have wronged us. This is like life's acetone for our super glue of being stuck in blame. It takes courage, determination and risk.

We cannot escape fear. We can only transform it into a companion that accompanies us on all our exciting adventures...Take a risk a day - one small or bold stroke that will make you feel great once you've done it." Susan Jeffers

Today, I decide to take a risk. Today I will look at how I may blame and stop! Today I will live my fullest life!

Bloom Where I'm Planted

2011-02-23T07:43:00.000-07:00

I've lived in six different states - Illinois, Florida, Nevada, California, Montana and now Idaho. It may be a paradox, but my two favorite domiciles are Florida and Montana, the latter one being where I've always felt most at home.

I made the sojourn to Idaho from Montana when I married. Although I've never really felt fully at home here, it's where I hang my hat and after eight plus years, I think it's time I adjust!

I first encountered the term "Bloom Where I'm Planted" nearly ten years ago when I read Chicken Soup For the Single Soul in the Chapter entitled "Lessons From Aunt Grace." It moved me deeply because here was a woman who was not happy in her current circumstance. Yet she made the best of it by serving others in her community, doing creative projects she enjoyed and engaging in other such unselfish endeavors. In the process, she made the decision to live the fullest life she could, despite her address. I didn't know Aunt Grace's story would be relevant to me within a couple of years.

The second time I encountered this slogan was in McCall, Idaho. My husband and I like to take weekend trips and summer vacations in our camper. I started buying towels from places we visited that had either the state or local tourist attraction imprinted on them. McCall, a mere two hours away and one of my favorite places to visit, did not offer any such souvenirs in its many shops. Yet when I encountered a hand towel with that slogan, I knew I needed to purchase it. No doubt the Universe was giving me a loud and clear message to live my life the fullest, despite any "homesickness" I might have for Montana.

Life has a funny way of not always turning out the way we expect. Yet it always seems to turn out the way it should. If I sat in the director's chair, I know the scenes in my life would have turned out differently. Since I don't sit there, I trust accepting my current situation is the wisest option. This allows me to absorb all the wonderful adventures that arrive at my doorstep.

Time can heal. Although I don't find myself pining for my old home quite as much, the notion of blooming where I'm planted still is in the forefront of my mind. It would be such a waste not to engage fully in my life and location. I'm happy to say that right here in Boise I'm very involved in activities of my choosing, as is my wont, and I find every one to be joyous and fulfilling.

I may prefer to plant myself in the mountains or near the seashore, I flourished there before and trust I would do so again. However, Life has planted me in the high desert. If I take the time to look, I see there are beautiful flowers right here, right now. I trust, if I allow myself and remember that spirit of joy embedded deep within my being, I will bloom as I should in ways I never thought possible.

Regret, Conclusion

2011-01-28T22:02:00.000-07:00

"If beating myself up changed me, I would be changed." Anonymous

Regret, simply put, is anger and resentment directed toward oneself. Sometimes, I am the most difficult person to forgive. However, there is a process I completed to facilitate that.

I said a prayer and asked for help. Then I took a sheet of paper. On one side I wrote about the person with whom I was angry. I wrote about me. However, I didn't express anger in the first person, I expressed it in the third person. She "woulda, coulda, shoulda." I really let her have it!

On the reverse side of those vitriols, I took the more compassionate side. I went into the first person. I looked at where I was, what I was doing, and what I was feeling during the time. And I wrote, especially my feelings. It was hard to go back to that time. I recalled a lot of pain, confusion and lack of experience. Knowing what I know now, I definitely would have done things differently. But I honestly did the best that I could at the time. As I wrote, I saw that it was important to forgive my mistakes. How could I hold that younger, inexperienced woman to my present day experience and standards? It was ludicrous!

I found myself letting all of it go and just accepting who I was at the time and who I am now. I forgave that woman. I felt compassion for her. I told her I loved her and accepted her. It was extremely healing. I completed the process with a prayer of gratitude to the Universe for all I learned and how I grew as a result.

Anger and regret are real emotions. It's OK to experience them. However, to hold on to them is like storing acid in a metal container. It eventually destroys the container.

I choose to live my life in joy and gratitude. When anger and regret rear their heads, I can thank them for letting their presence known and then do what needs to be done in order to overcome them.

Regret, Part 1

2011-01-21T07:49:00.000-07:00

"Regrets. I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention." Paul Anka

Lately, I have been plagued with a regret in my life that has left me restless and unsettled.

Since I'm an avid practitioner of daily journalling, I decided to tackle this meaty subject in my morning pages. And meaty the subject was, as I bled all over those pages in the discovery of what was behind the regret. Just as wounds bleed, so do they heal and I was grateful for the experience. I don't think the healing experience is quite complete, yet I feel it enough so to mention in my blog.

At the onset of this journey through my regret, I tried to break it down to its simplest parts in order to better deal with it. I found three:

Guilt, blame and lack of forgiveness.
Living in the past and lack of acceptance.
Grief.

Grief was the easiest to handle first. I am familiar with grief and all that goes with it, so I allowed myself to grieve the loss, the hope and the dream attached to my regret. It hurt but I was able to get through it.

It was less easy, but not all that difficult to work on accepting the current situation as it is. Actually, I don't like the current situation surrounding the source of my regret, but I can accept that is how it is, do the best to take care of myself and any sorrow surrounding it and move on with my life. OK. This part complete.

Ah, but the last and most difficult: guilt, blame and lack of forgiveness. I had all of these surrounding this regret and they were not going down quickly or easily. I could not deal with this alone. I needed help so I reached up. Often when I go to my Source for assistance, the answers are forthcoming but not as quick and apparent as I would like.

Stay tuned for further developments.

Life Is A Terminal Condition!

2011-01-18T08:06:00.000-07:00

When a friend shared that statement recently, it made me and all those within ear shot laugh out loud.

But it also made me think. Not one of us is getting out of here alive. What would I do if I knew I were dying soon? Who would I see? What would I say? How would I react to all the supposed crises in my life? I know I would do things differently.

Why am I not doing those things differently now?

Thought For the Day: Today I will love more, share more joy, worry less and encourage more. Today I will make the best of the mundane, whether it be work, grocery shopping or dusting the furniture. There is purpose in everything I do. There is value. There is love. Today I will allow myself to experience it fully, for it may be the last my eyes see.

Decisions

2011-01-15T07:58:00.000-07:00

Decisions are either easy and natural for me or all-consuming, major blocks in my life. There seems to be no middle ground. Too often, my big decisions are easy; it's the smaller ones that stymy.

Both my husband David and I currently are facing independent decisions about unrelated situations. David's decision is major, mine is a small thorn.

"I'm afraid of making the wrong decision," he confided last night during a discussion. Knowing his personality style and living with this man for over eight years of our marriage, I understood his struggle.

However, after journaling, I realized I possessed the same fear, I didn't want to make the wrong decision. Further journaling helped me look at this process a little differently.

What if there were no wrong or right decisions? What if I looked at the decisions I need to make as a serious of choices, actions and consequences, both intended and unintended? What if life were about the ability to live with our choices and consequences and adjust accordingly? That helped lift my sense of burden. I need to do the best that I can with the information I have at the time.

Once again, though, there is another factor I don't always consider first: my Higher Power. This casts and entirely different light on the subject.

I can ask my Higher Power for direction and guidance. Sometimes She gives it to me very clearly and naturally. Other times it's vague or seemingly absent. Therefore, my decision-making process can look like this:

Search inside myself for what I really want
Ask for guidance and direction
Listen
Take the action while continuing to ask for guidance and direction
Live with the results
Ask for guidance and direction concerning all the consequences, intended and unintended

Each step really involves attention and attunement with my Higher Power.

This process does not always come easily to me. I'm a high-energy, "git 'er done" kind of gal. I constantly have to surrender my sense of control, which is such an illusion!

Wherever I Go, I Follow!

2011-01-14T06:20:00.000-07:00

I’ve lived in six different states and been married twice. I’ve operated a couple of my own single proprietor-businesses and have held many jobs.

Guess what? No matter where I go, what I do or with whom I find myself I have the same problems.

Since I’ve been so mobile, I had to ask myself, “What’s the most common denominator?” This answer: me!

This realization helps me make some significant changes and grow in a more desirable direction. I have to do a lot of inside work instead of focusing on whom or what is outside of me. All that outside stuff is just a bunch of mirrors anyway.

I was able to observe this truth in someone else recently.

A homeless man suddenly was plucked from his circumstances by well-meaning people and cast into the national limelight. He received countless job offers for large sums of money. He became an overnight national sensation.

Unfortunately, he recreated his circumstances despite all the opportunity. His potential wealth and success were flattened in less than a week and he had to check himself into a rehab facility.

This is the human condition. This is why mega lottery winners go broke and “biggest losers” gain back their weight. This is why we keep attracting the same problems no matter where we find ourselves.

The problems exist in us. My problems exist in me.

The good news: Every problem comes gift-wrapped with the solution inside.

It’s true. Wherever I go, I follow, as do my problems and solutions.

Thought for the day: I may be carrying my problems with me but I’m also carrying the solutions. I need only look to myself. If I can’t find the solutions, I can reach up to my Source, reach inside of me and reach out to others for help.

Reflections on My Mom

2011-01-12T12:39:00.000-07:00

As I sealed her birthday card and prepared it for the mail, I realized I missed my mother. She will be 87 in a few days. I feel fortunate she is alive. However, she is in the mid-stages of dementia and slowly is slipping away from us. She lives about 1700 miles east of me, so I don't get to visit her very much.

I try to call her often but it's difficult because we don't have real conversations. She has about a two-three minute standard format. If we talk any longer, she loops it, much like those department store video demonstrations. When I ask different questions sometimes her responses are better than others. Her pat answer: "I'm not doing so well with my memory these days."

It's painful to observe and no doubt frustrating for her.

When last I visited in June, she recognized me the first two times. However, the third time, I was sitting in her living room and she gave me a blank stare. "I know you're one of my daughters."

We have had our share of ups and downs. I've needed her, loved her, resented her, tried to be like her then tried not, respected her, tried to break away, and get closer. She's been my teacher, leader, example, spiritual guide, confidante, friend, advisor and sometimes nemesis!

Because of my juxtaposition to her I've learned to be strong, laugh at myself, work hard, go after what I want, be independent, but also discovered a few things I needed to shed.

She is truly a remarkable person and I love her unconditionally.

Growing in wisdom and experience, she looked unabashedly at her mistakes and seemed to forgive herself. I'm beginning to learn that regarding those I made with my daughter.

"A mother's job is to give her children their hangups," she often quipped. "And I did a great job of that!"

She has an amazing sense of humor, some of which fortunately I inherited.

She was in a pillar of strength when facing the unbearable grief of losing her first-born to murder. When I learned she had cancer about a dozen years ago, I cried more than she and found her comforting me instead of vice-versa.

Yes, there were times when I vowed I would not be like her. Now I know to emulate her in many ways.

Happy Birthday, Mom. I love you.

Tragedy

2011-01-10T12:15:00.001-07:00

I was shocked, then stunned. The simple act of turning on the television in order to watch the end of a movie turned around my day. A United States representative critically wounded along with scores of others. Certain fatalities whose names and numbers were yet to be determined. A child died in the violence. Such waste, such tragedy. My husband came home from running a few errands and watched intently with me. At one point in the process we hugged each other. "I know how those families feel." I whispered while he held me. "I know their pain."

I had my own appointment with tragedy when my brother was murdered. (See the article on my website entitled "John's Story"). Although many years have passed, the memories of how that event affected my life are strong.

The twenty-two year old, very disturbed gunman was apprehended by brave witnesses, fortunately preventing him from continuing the rampage and escaping.

When events like this happen, it's time to heal. Not blame, not ask why, not decide who in society is culpable and who isn't. The person responsible for this crime is in custody. Blaming newscasters, politicians, rhetoric, our political process and countless other cultural phenomena will not bring back our loved ones, nor heal the wounds of the injured.

When we place blame other than on the perpetrator, it is our way of trying to make sense of senseless acts. It's impossible.

It is always wise to reflect on how we may be part of a whirlwind of negative energy that can strike down innocents with the speed and destruction of an Illinois tornado. However, sick, disturbed and destructive people can use anything to trigger their rampages, even the seemingly innocuous.

So let's keep things in perspective. This is a time to set aside our perceived differences and come together in unity. It is a time for prayer. It is a time for healing. It is a time for compassion and understanding. Hurling accusations only acts as bellows for hot embers and further spreads the flames of destruction.

Getting Help

2011-01-08T08:07:00.046-07:00

In the past, whenever I confronted a problem I reached out to a confidante. She (or he) would give me advice or tell me what to do, but more often than not I didn't do it.

My next course of action was to reach in. Somewhere inside me there must be an answer, I thought. The answer was present, but I often over-analyzed it then doubted my instincts.

In desperation, I reached up. I said a prayer or cried out in anger and pain, then bargained, pleaded and threatened to get what I wanted. I actually got answers and many times I ran with them. Other times I was so busy trying to control things, I either failed to see the answers or ignored them.

I can see why I had to spend most of my adult life studying self-improvement and personal growth. I needed it desperately!

Fortunately, a welcome change took place the same time I discovered I could have a personal relationship with a Greater Power (see January 7 post).

I realized that every problem came gift-wrapped with the solutions inside and taught me important and valuable life lessons. If I receive a gift and am not sure what it is or how to use it, I ask the giver first. Therefore, if my problems really are gifts from the Universe, it makes sense for me to ask the Giver what they are and how I best can use them.

I started doing that and amazing results ensued! Solutions presented themselves in strange and unique places. I started changing the way I looked at things. Many times I realized the problem was not outside of me but that I was the problem. I only needed to change my attitude, approach, or language, etc., in order to achieve positive results. Other times I needed to accept the person or situation as it was and proceed from that point.

Now, when confronted with a problem, I reverse the order and usually reach up, reach in and reach out for help. It gives me better insights and solutions while allowing me to live a more balanced life.

Thought for the day: I need to remember that my problems are gifts. If I don't know what the gift is or how to use it I can ask the Giver!

My Source

2011-01-07T11:12:00.001-07:00

One day I saw a sign that read, "If God is your co-pilot, get out of the left seat!"

I found it humorous and dismissed the concept. However, time passed and I began to see the value in that statement. Before I could get out of the left seat, though, I had to develop a relationship with a different Source.

For the first twenty years of my life, I was raised in a conventional religion. The second twenty, I joined a New Age church. I value much of what I learned in both these institutions and have a deep respect for each, but my interpretation of the god they presented wasn't safe enough for me to get out of the Captain's seat.

After further searching and asking for help, I have come to terms with a God of my understanding which allows me to get out of the left seat. I often call Her Goddess, but that's irrelevant. Other times I call Him God, Father/Mother God, Higher Power, Source, Universe, or Spirit. A rose by any other name smells as sweet.

It would be dishonest of me to go further with my posts without acknowledging my belief in a Greater Being (yet another name!). If I offend any of you because of it, I respectfully suggest you look to yourself, wherein lies your problem, for I intend no offense. I will not proselytize, preach or attempt to covert you to my way of thinking. These are my thoughts, feelings and words from my heart. You may take or leave them as you see fit.

I am a Spiritual Being. I believe we all are Spiritual Beings. Therefore, I must acknowledge. I will have more posts to follow and they will involve that belief. I may or may not refer to it. I have arms, legs, a heart, lungs, etc., and I may or may not refer them them, as well. I carry my spiritual beliefs in the same way I carry my body parts. They are a part of me, that's all.

I invite you to take this journey with me to see where it may lead.

Doing Things Differently

2011-01-06T10:00:00.000-07:00

Definition of insanity: Doing the same things over and over again, expecting different results.

My daughter and I were having a conversation during my recent Christmas visit to her home. There were some challenges in her life. Although, I refrained from giving advice or telling her what to do (see January 3 post), I did share my experience to see if she might find it relevant to her situation.

If I try something and it doesn't work, it's a good idea to try a different approach to the problem. This is counter intuitive to me and takes much discipline. Why? Because I'm certain my original approach should have worked, therefore, I will keep trying it. In fact, I'm so certain that it should have worked that I begin to wonder what is the matter with the other person, place or thing that is vexing me at the moment! It really is my default behavior.

Fortunately, I'm learning that accepting the situation as it is goes a long way in keeping me sane. If my approach isn't working, I can change it. Or I could change my location, my attitude, my response or whatever else I'm doing. If I'm in a problematic situation it's fair to assume that I am part of the problem.

Therefore, given the above definition of insanity, the definition of sanity must be to do things differently in order to get different results.

Thought for the day: I have learned (too well) the definition of insanity is accurate. I have also discovered a good antidote. Often the smallest change in what I do can yield the biggest results.

The Year of Yes

2011-01-05T07:04:00.000-07:00

"Experience is what you get when you don't get what you wanted. And it can be the most valuable thing you have to offer." Randy Pausch

I have a lot of experience. Translation: Life has handed me a lot what I don't want. Life has handed me a lot of "no's."

That's OK. It just shows me I'm not unique. Life hands everybody no's, even the seemingly beautiful people who appear to have everything. How we handle our no's helps us build character.

As I reflected on my life at the end of last year, I contemplated the superfluous no's and realized that too many of them came from me! My husband doesn't dance, therefore, I don't go dancing, something I love to do. I don't allow myself harmless little indulgences because I'm "too busy." I sometimes force myself to continue my work, when I really need a break.

"Make a list of 20 things you like to do. Now do at least one of them this week," I recently read. I made my list and realized some of the 20 were simple, little joys that I too seldom allow myself.

I decided that 2011 is the year of saying "yes" to myself. They may not be grand and glorious yeses, but it is a way for me to handle life's no's and not feel cheated.

Yes I will dance more. Yes I will sing more, even if it's in the car or while I'm cleaning the house. Yes I will try to spend more fun time with my friends. Yes I will throw more small dinner parties. Yes I will hug my husband more. The list goes on.

Thought for the day: Life can dish out a lot of what I don't want. I can't always control that. But I can give myself more of what I do want. My own yeses will help balance the no's in a loving, self-caring way.

Life Can Turn On A Dime

2011-01-04T08:00:00.001-07:00

My husband stood staring at the toaster oven.

"I just don't know what to do about that piece of pizza," he said in a somewhat euphoric state.

"It appears to be ready," I responded after noticing the melting cheese. "Perhaps you should eat it!"

But he remained there, staring and repeating "I just don't know what to do about that."

I stopped dead in my tracks. This was not characteristic of a man who usually knows exactly what to do with pizza. A moment ago, I was preoccupied with my usual attempts at accomplishing three things at once. All of a sudden, I found myself taking an inventory of my husband's physical state. The inventory quickly became a layman's triage.

He was sweating profusely and swooning slightly as if he were dizzy. Although his speech was not slurred he obviously was incoherent. My husband has an active medical history. My first thought: is he having a stroke? Less than two years ago he underwent treatment and surgery for esophageal cancer, a condition that rarely offers survivors. A couple years prior to that he had a minor cardiac incident that miraculously left him unscathed.

As I waited for the ER staff to invite me back to where they were treating him, I wondered what would be the outcome of this event. It was New Year's day. Would my 2011 be the same as my 2009, spending hours, days, weeks, and months in hospitals and long recoveries? I surrendered to what was happening and knew that I would be given everything I needed, just as I had in the past.

"Is your husband a diabetic?" the ER nurse asked, "because his blood sugar is only 35."

As it turns out, my husband is not a diabetic, but apparently is hypoglycemic, not an uncommon side effect of his surgery. Within moments of receiving a glucose IV, he was chatting, smiling, laughing and expressing gratitude. He did not remember much of the previous 90 minutes. It was sobering, to say the least.

Thought for the day: Life can change on a dime. One moment we're going about our usual routines and the next we are facing major life challenges. I want to be grateful for all that I have in this moment. I want to savor my life and find the great joys that exist, even in the mundane.

"I Was Only Trying To Help"

2011-01-03T06:05:00.004-07:00

My husband and I were having a conversation about our children, now fully grown adults. He has 2 sons and a daughter from his first marriage and I have a daughter from mine.

We agreed that as parents we were only trying to help them grow into wise, fully functioning adults. Too many times our seemingly good intentions boiled down to trying to control their behavior. In our conversation we realized the folly of our ways and agreed that often our attempts to control did more harm than good.

"I think my daughter did best when I just left her alone," I reminisced. He had to laugh because he knew the same was true for his parenting skills. Our children learn the way most of us do: by experience. Sometimes that's learning the hard way.

While it is true that I didn't want to see my daughter stumble and fall, get hurt or suffer in any way, I couldn't protect her from life. The best thing I could have done for her is be what I wanted her to become: Be the example.

That lesson can be applied to all my relationships, particularly the one with my husband and family members. I've learned that when I find myself thinking I was only trying to help someone, it's usually a good indicator of meddling. It doesn't work, does more harm than good and can create more problems.

Thought for the day: Often I have to love someone through their seemingly bad behavior more than I like them or their behavior.

Confrontation: Yikes!

2007-12-19T14:35:00.000-07:00

After you read this, you might want to check out my Fall '07 Newsletter, to read about a personal example of confrontation I recently experienced.

The bottom line: I wanted to get my way and be in control, but I wasn't aware of that at the time. I was emotionally unconscious. Being unconscious is like being asleep: We don't know about it until we wake up! We only can examine it retrospectively.

However, if I feel confrontation brewing, I can take a deep breath. The deep breath helps me live in the now. Living in the past or future is synonymous with being emotionally unconscious.

When the lady with whom I had the confrontation called me, I was rushing to keep an appointment and only had about 15 minutes. I could have offered to call her back. Or, if I chose to take the call, I could have taken a breath and stayed in the now instead of thinking about my upcoming appointment and whether or not I would be late. I could have listened to her opinion, thanked her, told her I would consider it and sent her on her way. That would have taken 5 minutes tops. Trying to enlighten her by repeating my opinion just didn't work and took longer!

Also, if I had stayed conscious, I would have been aware of those emotions welling up even if I couldn't completely identify them at the moment. Just feeling something was amiss inside me would have been enough of an alert.

OK, OK, so I blew it this time! I'm still friends with the lady who called me, we apologized to each other and hopefully I breathe in next time instead of blathering out!